Update: New Article Up On The Huffington Post, The Rifter #66 Inbound!

The new post I hinted at a short while ago has arrived. I’ll repost it on this blog eventually, but for now you can find it on the Huffington Post here. It’s a heroic tale of man vs. meat, replete with bad decisions and unflappable willpower.

In other news, Palladium Books’ The Rifter #66 (containing a short story by me, Skipping Stones) will be shipping soon! You can order it from their online store here.

I’ll be updating soon with new developments, maybe some more writing exercises from my adoptive group here in Vancouver. I’ve verified that they are indeed legitimate writers because we all procrastinate like champions. Keep an eye out, but don’t hold your breath!

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

“Winter comes and stays.

A white world escaped for now,

Darkness is warmer.”

This is a haiku I wrote for a celebration in 2011 for the Mercury Espresso Bar in Toronto. I ran across it while sorting all my documents for my big move to Vancouver at the end of the month, but I figured it was relevant enough to quickly take a break from work and post this.

It’s relevant because (for any of you not in Canada or the US) we’re getting some really nasty weather out there. It’s supposed to go down to somewhere between -40C and -50C tonight. Just to put that into perspective, this is around the average temperature of many mid-latitudinal areas on Mars.

Just my luck. Leaving for the relatively balmy shores of British Columbia in three weeks, not to mention the warm embraces waiting for me there, and I get caught in an interplanetary cold snap. Maybe I should go to Mercury – for coffee, not to burn alive (or freeze at the poles).

Keep warm out there, kids.

Movember Wrap-up: Hair the Wild Things Are


Well, Movember had to come to a close sometime.

I raised a total of $75.00 for men’s health, lost a fair amount of self-respect, and made a newfound vow to never shave my face down to the skin ever again. I’ll be getting back to my safe world of warm face coverings, beer foam trying vainly to escape my grasp, and follicle-fuelled narcissism. It’ll be a pleasant change after a weird, smooth month of pseudo-shame. 
Growing my Decembeard is going to be like getting into a hot tub with an old friend. Or it would be, if I did a lot of hot tubbing with my old friends (and if my old friends and I filled hot tubs with hair). So it might be nothing like that. It’ll be more like a moustache with a 30-day head start on a beard. Which is maybe equally sexy, and almost as ticklish.
In all honesty, I enjoyed the novelty of shaving around a ‘stache all month. It was interesting to say the least. Rejoining the ranks of bearded bros will be nice, but I’ll remember my moustachioed mates fondly. 
In other news:
  • After some unexpected delays, The Rifter #64 promises to ship this Tuesday, December 3rd. I can’t wait to see the entire issue, including some amazing artwork by Chuck Walton to accompany my short story!
  • I’ll be performing at Dum Dum’s Sports Bar in Brampton on that very same day (Tuesday, December 3rd) for a Comedy Night to benefit the Peel Regional Toys for Tots campaign. Bring a new, unwrapped toy for the kiddies or just PWYC at the door! 
  • Also on December 3rd, I’ll be putting up a new post. There’s a few alternatives I’m editing and putting together, so it could be anything from some new fiction, to something else very close to my heart.

I have other news I’d like to share with you, but first I need to ask a question. Don’t you hate it when someone says that they have other news they’d like to share with you, but can’t because they’ve signed a non-disclosure agreement? Me too.
Sorry about that. To make up for it, let’s go on an animated Movember journey together!

Movember: Week Three – Making a Strand


It’s been a productive week. I’ve performed my first set of stand-up comedy, had some writing projects take off in a big way (details coming in the future), and I’ve changed up my routes for afternoon walks and commuting.

The last one might seem odd until you see the photo. Simply put, I think that it’ll be best to stay away from playgrounds and schools until December.

I have to admit that I sorta like wearing a moustache. As much as I’m looking forward to growing my beard back in December, there’s a serious temptation on my part to just grow this out into the most walrus-ey monster of a ‘stache that I’m capable of cultivating.

There’s not much more to say at the moment. If you haven’t had a chance to check out some of this month’s posts, you can view my thoughts on the downward spiral that is The Simpsons, and see what all the fuss over Toronto hip hop artist AndrewLIVE’s new album is about.

As before, you can check out my Movember profile and donate to the cause here.

Coming soon:

  • My story “A Cold Night, Dead Past” will be featured in Palladium Books’ The Rifter #64, hopefully being released in the next couple of weeks. I’m waiting with baited breath.
  • A new post on Tuesday, December 3 – as well as another end-of-Movember update on Friday, November 29.
  • More news as it becomes available!

Movember: Week Two – Rise of the ‘Stache


As I write this, I can feel the strength returning to my limbs. Even the lightest smattering of facial hair does wonders for the ego. Not that my ego needed any more wonderment.

I’m afraid that there’s no grand melodrama this week. Things seem to have normalized somewhat. That’s not to say that I’m getting used to being (mostly) clean-shaven. But I might have given up hope of ever leaving the denial stage of the grieving process. Considering that the brain invents most of its own reality anyway, perhaps that’s not as much of a problem as I thought it might be.

I’m keeping this update short and sweet. There’ll be a new post coming on Tuesday that I’m pretty excited about, and a lot of other stuff to do besides. I’ll also be checking out 3Men2Souls at the Underground Comedy Club tonight, as should anyone else who’s interested. Stay tuned!

The Erosion of Springfield: How Death Cheated Bart Simpson

I don’t really watch The Simpsons anymore.

That said, I didn’t exactly “Hah!” when I heard that Marcia Wallace, the voice actor for Edna Krabappel, had died. It didn’t provoke any particular feeling. I hadn’t thought about her in a long time, and the whole show has sort of been off my radar for a while. So I didn’t really think about it very much.

Then, I read about the opening to a recent Simpsons episode. Bart, still doodling on his chalkboard as long as both my brothers have been alive. Except his message is a simple and heartfelt farewell to Mrs. K.

And that’s awesome.

In real life, anyway.

Continue reading

Movember: Week One – Grief, Interrupted


Movember continues, and I remain bravely beardless.

One week in, and I still feel like someone close to me has died whenever I feel a smooth cheek under my fingers. I decided to look up the five stages of grief to maybe better understand the feelings that I’m going through, and came to a disturbing realization. I’m hardly even through denial.

“Denial can be conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, or the reality of the situation.”

I’ve had a pretty decent week. I’ve been writing up a storm, have had some new opportunities coming my way on that front (stay tuned!) and even saw 65daysofstatic live. But the entire time, I’m ricocheting between neurosis and obliviousness. I’ll be just fine and dandy, confidently chatting to someone or pounding away on a keyboard in a cafe somewhere, and the next moment I’ve got eyeballs nervously scanning the room because I’m incredibly self-conscious about my follicular handicap. A minute later, and the worry is gone once I’ve forgotten about it all over again.

My brain is erecting an imaginary shield of facial hair to protect my fragile psyche.

I can only hope that the continued growth of my moustache will help repair my damaged ego/mind/both. I’m walking a very thin line as it is. Healthy people don’t draw beards onto themselves when they snapchat.

This is not the face of a well-adjusted person.
It’s not all bad. I’m transitioning well into the next stage: anger. Which is to say I become infuriated every time I see there’s still just a dirty smudge above my lip. 

What the hell are you looking at?

(If you’d like to donate to keep me annoyed and babyfaced, then you can do so here.)