Welcome to 2016! Would You Like Some of Our Complimentary Despair?

It’s been a weird January so far.

Real-life supervillains plot to steal music, beef with rappers, and are generally unpleasant. Famous people are dropping dead left and right. Palin endorses Trump, who is somehow still being taken seriously despite the insanity of the entire situation. Flat-earth truthers are crawling out of the woodwork (or whatever cryogenic stasis they’ve sequestered themselves in whilst avoiding all scientific progress since Pythagoras). It feels like reality took a Christmas vacation and it’s not back in the office yet.

It is kind of cool that supervillains exist now. With the ongoing milking of superhero culture still in full swing, it’s about time guys like my hometown Brampton’s Batman or the Milwaukee Watchman went up against a Lex Luthor proxy almost as douche-y as Eisenberg’s portrayal is shaping up to be. Elon Musk is long overdue to debut a suit of Tesla power armour and take the fight to the pigs, and I for one will be making popcorn.

Not that it’s unusual when people die – literally every person ever born has died, except for the ones who haven’t done it yet. I’ve been wondering if the reason for this recent surge of dead celebrities is because they were all holding out for the 2015 hoverboards that never came and finally gave up. I think it’s unlikely, but really I’m just happy to be alive and still waiting for my hoverboard.

Quick List of Things Which Debunk Flat Earth:

– Satellites, and the principles by which they are required for long-range communications.
– No one has ever dug a hole so deep that they fell out the bottom and into space.
– Gravity.
– There are no elephants hoisting the world atop a space-turtle’s back, or we would’ve smelled their farts by now.
– Superman flying around the earth to turn back time wouldn’t work if it were a disc.
– Australia’s toilets.
– There is still water on Earth despite billions of years of runoff over the edges.
– I guess the last one doesn’t count, since anyone who believes in a flat Earth also probably believes it’s only 5,000 years old.

2016 – Because 2015 Wasn’t Terrible Enough

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